A story about comparing yourself to your peers in school. 

Throughout my undergrad, I struggled to be confident in my own abilities and compared myself to others around me. I often thought I wasn’t as smart, involved, talented or social as my friends. I was in a Science cohort program in first year, where everyone was very high-achieving and intelligent. It seemed like my friends were able to effortlessly achieve high grades while I struggled so much to simply understand the material. This made me feel incompetent and question whether I was capable of completing my undergrad. 

I began opening up about my insecurities to a trusted friend who assured me that I was doing quite well in my courses. I was actually meeting the averages in my courses and did not need to feel as if I were doing poorly. I realized that it was all relative -my friends were scoring much higher than the averages, which made me feel like I wasn’t doing well. However, it doesn’t matter how I’m doing compared to them – I just need to focus on myself and performing my best.

I also realized that I needed to be kinder to myself and trust that I got into university because I had the ability and skills to complete it. I also began to talk with more friends about how I felt and I realized that I was not alone. I found comfort in knowing that there were others who were struggling in undergrad. Eventually, even my friends who were getting high grades admitted that they had their own insecurities and shortcomings. I realized that I often saw one side of a person and highlighted their positive aspects. I only focused on my shortcomings and did not recognize my own strengths.

Now, I am in a graduate program and I look back to my first-year self, realizing that I did have the skills and capability to succeed. Everyday, I still remind myself that I am enough and catch myself when I notice my thoughts starting to compare myself with my classmates. It’s not easy to stop all comparisons, but when we notice the small voices in our head beginning to compare, tell them to stop and remind yourself that you are enough. Most of all, your grades don't define who you are as a person. 

It doesn’t matter what paths others are taking. What matters is what you are doing and that is enough. Everyone is on their own paths that will lead them to where they’re meant to be. Everyone is just trying their best, including yourself. So give yourself the compassion that you give to others and know that you are enough just the way you are!

Wong, E. (2021, October 4). I’m Not Good Enough. Liberated Learners. https://wicked.liberatedlearner.ca/learner/im-not-good-enough/